How Santa Does It

Thursday, 14 December 2006

[Picture of Saint Nicholas]PEOPLE see Santa everywhere, not just in advertising billboards, but “in the flesh”. Some say it’s a bloke in a hired Santa Costume.

  • Some people have even said that they don’t believe in Santa Claus!

As “proof” they suggest that Saint Nick would have to travel at many times the speed of light to deliver all the presents. Some say that they think it is their Mum and Dad (and not Santa) that buys the gifts.

Well, let’s get some things straight — and for starters, Santa Claus does not visit every kid.

What is it with people today; they all think they’re going to heaven (regardless of being good or bad), and it’s exactly the same with Father Christmas! Sorry, folks, you will have to understand the basic concept behind it all is that you have to be good all year.

If you are not good enough, or if you are downright bad, then Santa will not be visiting your house — and your presents will be fake ones from your Mum and Dad or from some bloke dressed up as Santa.

Just as if you are not good enough or downright bad, then you will be going to hell, not heaven.

The choice is yours. Santa’s coming is a bit of a clue as to your afterlife destination, by the way — so pay attention! You have to be a good boy or a good girl all year, you have to deserve a gift and a visit from Saint Nicholas.

Think about it.

Now what are you going to do about it?

That’s how Santa manages to get around the very few children who deserve his gifts.

Ho Ho Ho!

2 Responses to “How Santa Does It”

  1. Sox-hunter Says:

    According to BBC Radio Two’s “Fox The Fox”,
    Wednesday 12 Dec Question:
    What is Santa’s average speed when he delivers his presents and does he ever get caught on speed cameras?

    Wednesday 12 Dec Answer:
    Thanks to everyone who got in touch about this – and OKAY, it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be.

    In 1990, Spy Magazine published a scientific study on Santa.

    Excluding those religions that don’t go in for Christmas, they calculated that he had to deliver presents to 378 million children in 91.8 million homes.

    Travelling east to west, he’d have 31 hours because of the different time zones, in which he’d have to travel 75.5 million miles.

    Which takes his average speed to 650 miles a second – which is 3,000 times the speed of sound.

    Travelling that fast you would expect Santa and his reindeer to burst into flame, but Roger Highfield, science editor of the Daily Telegraph, believes that Santa has heat shields to protect himself, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to deliver the presents.

    I don’t know whether he’s been caught on a speed camera, but Norad, which provides aerospace security for North America, tracks his progress on a series of high-tech cameras every year, from 2am mountain standard time on Christmas Eve.

    And you can watch his progress on their website at

    Article’s link:

  2. rtone Says:

    Yes, you see this is the sort of approach we have come to expect these days. It is all very “amusing” and “tongue-in-cheek” and misses the point entirely!

    The point of which is whether the child is “naughty or nice” — factor in this deserving aspect, and Santa need not travel at three times the speed of light after all.

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